I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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