if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
