Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
