turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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