I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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