You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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