eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
