Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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