he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
