I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
