Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
pop tarts are not kleenex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
