I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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