I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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