HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
