you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
