My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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