i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
