He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
