Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
