this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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