Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
