Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
