Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
