What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
