Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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