As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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