I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
