Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
