Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
