I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize