Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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