he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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