Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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