One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
