I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
