you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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