My first STD was from a foam party
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
