It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
