so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
