You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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