It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
