i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
