I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
