She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
