Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
