you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
