look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
