i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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