My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's just so happy...and so naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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