i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
