wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
