i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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