Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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