My cat gives me a boner
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
