i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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