I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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