my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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