My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
