I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Damn victory sex feels great
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I smell like Dick and happiness
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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