I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are two peas in an std pod
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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