I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize