I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
