I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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