like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drake has all the answers
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
