im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
