you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
