Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
