I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
