totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
