I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
