we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
