Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
