Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
