um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
