I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
